Worst Case Scenario Self Defense
So I was out having a drink with my taller half and spotted a brightly colored box on the game shelf.
It was the cards from the Worst Case Scenario Survival Game, and they were hilarious to the point that we both got out our phones to capture images of our favorites forever.
Besides letting you know that birds are the tastiest wildlife (duh! who doesn’t know that one?) I found several that were ostensibly self-defense tips. Since I train at a martial arts school which includes a lot of self defense in the curriculum, I thought I’d comment on these, at least briefly.
Keep in mind, of course, that although I have assisted in the occasional self defense class, I’m not a self defense instructor. I’m just a mid-level student who knows enough to find some of the advice on these cards hilariously misguided.
How to Protect Yourself From Being Attacked on the Street
The Worst-Case answers all assume that there’s already an attacker, but I think it might be good to start with avoiding an attack. Walk with a friend. Stay on busier, better lit streets. If you get off the bus and it seems sketchy – get back on the bus. Look around, stay aware of your surroundings. If you feel like someone is following you with sketchy intent, is there a business nearby that you can go into and ask for help?
A. I agree that trying to hide is not the best option. Don’t run off into the dark where it will be just you and the attacker. Run somewhere crowded and brightly lit!
B. Getting something between you and an attacker is a great idea. So is yelling, but let’s get a little more specific. Yell for help. “Help! I’m being attacked! Someone call 911!”
C. Using your shoes for weapons is not a bad idea. One of the things that my teacher does in self defense workshops is ask the participants to think about what could be used as a weapon in each room of their house, or what they might be carrying with them while walking down the street. Ladies wearing pointy high heels are wearing weapons, even without having to take them off and throw them.
How to Stun an Attacker Without Permanent Injury
I think they mean without permanent injury to the attacker. At my school, we discuss the difference between injure, maim, and kill. An injury is something that will heal, i.e., a cut. A maim is an injury that can heal, but will never be the same, i.e., a knee injury. And kill, well, that’s something that will never heal…
We differentiate between these because we talk about appropriate responses to different situations. If your kid brother grabs you from behind, you will respond differently than if a stranger grabs you from behind in a dark alley. This is called “matching intention” – you don’t maim someone who’s asking for change at the bus stop.
If you are hoping to stun an attacker, I imagine a situation where you’ve been grabbed and you’re trying to get away. There are lots of startle techniques you can try. Pulling away from someone who has you by the hand and then suddenly switching direction to get up in their face is one. Spitting in the face, or pretending to vomit are some of my favorites. Mainly, think about what the attacker hasn’t grabbed, including your voice.
A. The “karate chop” to the neck is a classic kung fu movie move. But if you don’t have any martial arts training, don’t bother. Fight the way you did wrestling with siblings. Apply elbows to ribs, stomp on the feet of someone holding you, go limp to make yourself feel heavier. If your hands are free, pinch soft places (the inner thigh is good one), or go for the face.
B. Eyes are one of three primary self defense targets, along with throat and knees. Why focus on these three? Because they affect someone who is, for whatever reason, not feeling pain. An attacker who can’t see, can’t see you. An attacker who can’t breath will have a hard time chasing you, and so will an attacker with a busted knee. That said, these are all “maim” targets, so if you’re just trying to get away from a grab, yell bloody murder and try some of the above options.
C. I don’t even know what they want you to do. First, an attacker is likely going to immobilize your hands. Second, that is a tiny target. Third, they aren’t going to hold still and give you easy access to their head. Just forget it.
How to Survive a Mugging
Does your attacker have a weapon? How desperate do they seem?
A. Assuming that the mugger’s target is only to steal your belongings, I think they have this backwards. If there is less danger, then I would offer more resistance. If the mugger has a knife, or a gun, then I would be cooperative and spend my energy on looking for identifiable details. You can always cancel your credit cards; your wallet isn’t worth getting shot or knifed.
B. As with karate chops or jabs to the neck below the ear but above the jaw, just forget it. Screaming for help when you are in physical danger, though, that’s a good thing. If the encounter changes from theft to assault, change your reaction accordingly.
C. I put these in startle techniques. Not sure I would try them in a mugging.
How to Deliver an Eye Jab
Don’t read any of these options. They’re all too complicated. The way to get an attacker’s eyes is much simpler.
Grab the sides of their head and use your thumbs.
How to Punch Someone
Really, I hope you’re never in a situation where you have to punch someone. Unless you take up martial arts, of course, and you get to hit people who are consenting training partners.
A. What targets you aim for should depend on what your aim is, but I would maybe replace “soft targets” with “center of the body,” i.e. front of the face, solar plexus, stomach, groin. But at that point, we’re probably not talking self defense any more, we’re talking go sign up for martial arts or boxing classes.
B. Loose fingers = busted fingers, so yes, curl your fist tightly as in option A.
C. Tucking your thumb inside your fist = busted thumb, so don’t do that either.
How to Take a Punch to the Head
Not a fun experience, no matter what you do. I recommend ducking, or following your natural instinct to protect your head with your arms, particularly if someone is trying to hit you in the head with a weapon. You’ll get a lot further in life with a broken arm than a broken head. Protect your head!
A. Turning your head will probably get you hit on the side of the jaw, but only if they’re probably trying to punch you in the face.
B. Personally, I would prefer turning and getting hit in the side of the head than anywhere near my face.
C. A punch to the nose will make you bleed all over your assailant. If you can’t protect your head, try to protect your face — that’s where all your fancy sensory organs are.
If you really want to learn self defense, find a self defense class. There are lots of options out there, and I highly recommend it. I don’t think that anyone should worry about being attacked, or lead a fearful life, but it’s good to be prepared. Feeling confident makes you look confident, and if there is anyone out there looking for a victim, you’ll look less like a victim.
Ladies of Seattle, there are beginning martial arts classes starting Oct 8 (with open enrollment for the first two weeks) and self defense classes starting November 29, with both options offered four times a year, at Seven Star Women’s Kung Fu. If, for whatever reason, you’d prefer karate, the Feminist Karate Union also teaches self defense classes in Seattle. The Pacific Association of Women Martial Artists has a list of other martial arts schools on the West Coast, as well as other martial arts organizations which would have similar lists.