If you haven’t read any of the #YesAllWomen responses to the most recent news of violence against women, you should.

That’s a serious recommendation for all genders, however you, or society, or biology, may have categorized you in terms of gender. If you fall on the feminine side of the line for any of those categorizations, the stories are probably not going to surprise you. It’s the sharing of them with the world that is surprising. Or maybe not even the sharing, but the part where maybe this time a few more people are hearing that #YesAllWomen encounter various levels of creepery all the time.

Even first world white women like me, living in the lovely idyllic bubble of a liberal West Coast city. I can eat my organic kale and still encounter dudes on the street who feel entitled to make extensive comments on my “sassy ass” when I’m walking by myself. Even when dressed professionally, on a sunny day at lunch time with other passersby around.

That’s just the most recent creep in my experience.

We can go back and mention the dude who was pretty sure I should get in his car for a ride instead of crossing at the intersection where I was waiting for traffic to clear. Or maybe the man who hit on me when I was 17 and flying across the country, alone and sleep-deprived in a busy airport.

And I’ve been lucky. Outside of my martial arts practice, no one has ever hit me. No one has touched me, licked me, assaulted me, raped me, shot me.

Which is great, because most guys probably aren’t threatening. But! #YesAllWomen have regular interactions with creeps. And #YesAllWomen worry about what might happen to them. After getting a ride home to my apartment after a first date, I found myself thinking how I should have had him drop me off on the corner, or in front of a different building, so this as yet unknown man wouldn’t know exactly where I lived. And that was the thought process after a great first date that developed into a successful relationship.

What are we going to do about this state of affairs, where #YesAllWomen feel threatened, even if #NotAllMen are threatening?

Crying on the couch doesn’t seem to do much—trust me, I tried that already. So I’m trying to think of some more reasonable actions to take, and to encourage others to take. Some of these you can check off quickly, some are things that may take years or generations of work. But let’s try, because that’s the only way things will move forward.

I’m going to skim over telling you to read what women are sharing with #YesAllWomen on Twitter or Facebook. I’m going to assume that you can click over to 50 Rape facts put together by HuffPo in 2012.  or the Rape and Sexual Assault Statistics from the Bureau of Justice Statistics without me repeating them. I’m going to hope that you are aware of the everyday ickiness that women face that isn’t rape, but is still rude, demeaning, triggering to survivors of assault, and symptomatic of cultural norms which encourage the view of women as objects existing for fulfillment of male sexual pleasure and power. See also: Mr. Sassy Ass and other cat-callers, workplace harassment, rape jokes, lewd stares on the bus, the guy at the club who comes up behind you and starts grinding on your backside, the dude on the street who just wants you to “smile! You look so pretty when smile!”.

How can we build on the #YesAllWomen awareness to combat the everyday casual creeping?

1. Realize that if #YesAllWomen run into creepers on a regular basis, then #YesAllMen do too! Even “nice guys” who fall under #NotAllMen and #MaleAllies know creepers.
2. Practice spotting the creepers around you. Men: They’re the ones sidling up to a woman at the company party and putting their arm around her as she cringes and looks for a female friend who can see instantly that she’s in trouble. Women: I think you’ve probably got this one down, but if not—listen to your gut instincts. If somebody seems creepy, then they are creepy. You don’t have to justify it to them, or to anyone else.
3. Once you’ve noticed a creeper, take Chris Breechen as a role model and change the creepy guy narrative.  Send the social signals that say “dude! What you are doing is not cool.” Stare and frown disapprovingly at casual creepers. Call 911 for serious assaults. Say something. Do something. Don’t be a neutral ally; send over some support troops.
4. Send anti-creep social signals even when no creeps are present or active. This is how we spread the word that we as a society think that all the activities on the spectrum from casual creeping to sexual assault are not cool. Start a conversation with someone: “Hey, have you seen that #YesAllWomen thing on social media? Seems like an important issue that I want to see change.” That’s what I’m hoping to do with this blog post.
5. Parents: Talk to your kids. If they’re old enough, share the #YesAllWomen conversations with them. Get some suggestions from “Son, It’s okay if you don’t get laid tonight”. Consider that there are ways to talk to young kids about sex, and to help them learn from the beginning that it is about love and pleasure, not about power.
6. Women take self-defense classes to learn how to protect themselves against men. But that’s a tactic to treat the symptoms rather than disease. I’m not sure where I can personally go on the action with this, but dudes? Don’t be creepy! Don’t rape! If you have any confusion about this, here are tips on how not to be a rapist and surefire ways to prevent sexual assault. Plus, I found out that the folks at SAVE Edmonton did a great campaign around “Don’t be THAT guy”. I hope there will be more such campaigns. I will keep training in martial arts, where I’ve begun to help teach self defense skills to other women, but the day when I start seeing “self-control” classes for men will be a pretty nice day, second only to the day when such classes become unnecessary for our society.