Category Archives: rompus

25 May

Two days into Forest Service training

I guess it is Tuesday. I have now had two days of Forest Service training, in company with a lot of other seasonal folks, and it has been intense. Yesterday was ethics, hazardous communications, defensive driving, wilderness, sexual harassment, payroll and housing, and probably some other things I’m forgetting.

Today was a lot more hands on. The topics were fire and water, with a few plants thrown in. We visited the beach and shoreline to familiarize ourselves with some of the plants. Thanks to my mother knowing pretty much everything, I already knew most of what the instructor told us. I already grew up eating fireweed and goose tongue and avoiding pushki on sunny days (or any days, really).

We also watched a video, taken by a tourist, of a halibut charter boat sinking, and noted all the things that they did wrong. They never looked for the hole. They didn’t try to bail although they had at least one five gallon bucket. They didn’t have any backup/battery powered GPS when the electric system went out. They never said “MAYDAY.” They didn’t put on extra clothes before abandoning into a zodiac. They didn’t try to signal the boats that were nearby, but waited to shoot off a flare until a helicopter was spotted (they were able to contact the Coasties on a cell phone before the boat went under).

The instructor’s opinion was that so many people spend so much time watching television, that most automatically put themselves in the spectator role. Someone in this situation spent the whole time videotaping, when they could have picked up a damn bucket and tried to keep the boat from sinking.

Then we went out and spent some time taking action rather than being spectators. We drove out of town to about the end of the road (the paved road goes 7 miles each way from town), and the instructor poured a gallon of gas into a big pan in the middle of a gravel turn out. Then he lit a flare taped to the end of a ten foot pole, and lit the gas, and we took turns putting it out with different types of fire extinguishers. Then we shot off a bunch of flares to see how they worked.

From the flares, I learned that the kind I carried for two summers as a kayak guide in Kachemak Bay are the cheap kind (I knew that) and that once expired they pretty much never work. But a $47 one made in Sweden goes up a thousand feet, makes a big noise, and floats down on a little parachute, and should be visible for forty miles in open country. So if I go kayaking again, now I know that the little orange plastic flares are not the ones I want to take, maybe even if they are new.

Next we went to the pool and experimented with survival suits and with a bunch of different types of life jackets. The instructor, Dug Jensen, lists his business as “Dug Jensen & family” and brought in his wife and son to help. His wife was on the PFD station, and his son was on the side of the pool with a hose to spray cold water in our faces while we tried to do survival things – climb into a floating tent/raft thing, or swim across the pool in a tightly huddled group to conserve heat. A survival suit is a handy thing, but it’s not that comfortable in the long run, and trying to get through the water while it’s cold and coming into your face really sucked. And I’m sure it would be about fifty times worse when you’re out in the open ocean.

Tomorrow afternoon there is another training in the pool, which has been subject of much speculation and we’ll see how bad, or not so bad, it actually turns out. It is called P.I.G. training. The acronym, I believe, stands for Personal Immersion Gadget and to my understanding is some sort of PVC cage with a seat in it, designed to simulate what you would be strapped into in a small plane or helicopter. And the training is how to get out of it in the water. Today with the PFDs, we were told that the aviation life vests are designed so you have to manually trigger inflation, because otherwise they can fatally impair your movement if underwater in a plane.

Myself, I am a pretty strong swimmer, and I have already gone through the nervousness of getting out of kayaks underwater. Plus, it’s a safety training, so it seems pretty obvious that it will be conducted in the safest way possible. But I can still see why some people are pretty nervous about this one. We’ll see how it goes…

22 May

Sitka!

I have officially arrived in Sitka, Alaska, for my next adventure. I’ll be working with the Sitka Conservation Society and the USDA Forest Service to tell the story of the connection between the Tongass National Forest and the abundant salmon runs of SE Alaska. Apparently this who will start with two weeks of training on various topics from the Forest Service, from radio operation to ethics to sea shore survival. I’ve been opted out of rifle certification, and assured that in the field I will always be with someone who is rifle certified. Should be fun!

Since I’m classed as a FS volunteer, I get to stay in the FS bunkhouse, about a mile out of town. The house itself isn’t much to speak of — mostly it gives me strong college dorm flashbacks — but it’s across the street from the beach. When I left this afternoon to walk to town (and get a sense of when I need to leave tomorrow for 8 am training!) at first I was going to count the eagles. I walked out the door and crossed the street and saw maybe half a dozen eagles. A little further, and I could see down to the shoreline and by then I’d seen a dozen or so bald eagles. And after that I figured I wouldn’t bother counting. There’s just a lot of eagles here, and I say that having grown up in Homer, another Alaskan town known for its eagles.

Now, although I am tempted to stay at the library and compete in what is apparently Sitka’s Annual Adult Spelling Bee, I’m going to hoof it back to the bunkhouse. I saw a place on the waterfront with a sign about salmon or rockfish or crab, and I am hungry…

22 Nov

Post election reactions in Alaska

I’m quite fascinated by the commentary going on in my home state.

In the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner, a fellow named Ken wrote a letter to the editor to ask

Now that Obama is going to be the new commander-in-chief, what does this mean for Alaska? Will Obama choose to reduce the military status in Alaska? If he did, what would that mean for Fairbanks? Will he choose to try to block the natural gas pipeline out of revenge to try to hurt Sarah Palin? I believe these are the things Alaskans are going to face in the next four years. What say you Fairbanks?

Responses vary, but focus mainly into

1) You Obamabots sure are gonna be sorry when the military bases are closed down, and they take away our guns and the Russians come!
2) Sarcastic liberal responses. Yes, I hear Pres-elect Hussein is printing out Korans and massing African witch-doctors to destroy Christianity as we speak! Buy all the ammo you can now!
3) Umm, has Obama even been to Alaska? He’s probably more worried about the economy than your guns.
4) Arguments over the use, legality, and appropriateness of various guns.
5) You can’t trust democrats/republicans/politicians.
6) Arguments about literal readings of the bible versus not so literal interpretations

Read for yourself, here’s a smattering.

Alaskan who now feels more cocky about being blue:

With all the pressing issues affecting this country, Ken, I think you can sleep well at night knowing that reducing the military here in Alaska may not be at the top of his “to do” list.

Alaskan who paid attention in high school government class:

The President cannot withdraw soldiers without a two-thirds vote from congress.

Alaskan who probably moved there to get away from the gu’ment:

We had our chance to warn the voting public before the election and it “didn’t take” – now we’ll just have to wait and see. I hope, as I’m sure you do, that things won’t be that bad but we’re just going to have to wait and see. You might want to buy a couple of boxes of bullets while you still can but other than that, there’s nothing else we can do now…

Alaskan who begs to disagree with the previous:

lol, warned? more like paranoid drivel from frightened little people.

Another Alaskan not impressed by the above:

I keep forgetting how many unhappy, end-of-roaders come to Fairbanks, paranoid to the point I can’t help but laugh. It’s insane to assume Obama will take “revenge” on Alaska. That says more about YOU, than it does about him.

Alaskan who has more rights to the title than most others:

Obama must support Indian Country in Alaska!

Alaskan who is actually thinking clearly:

Ken, you must be used to politicians who are petty and/or have lots of time on their hands. I seriously doubt that Obama has given much thought at all to Alaska, one way or the other. And why would he need to ‘get back’ at Mrs. Palin? SNL and the entire country already did that, through laughter. As far as military installations, Alaska is vitally important to our national defense, so why would they be closed? After all, Russian Pres. Medvedev can see Alaska from his house.

Alaskan wondering:

Has Obama ever stepped foot in Alaska? Does he have any clue what’s up here, who is up here? I have a hard time believing he hates us, but does he care about us? Will be interesting to see…..

Alaskan commenting on Alaskan politicians:

Well, it’s common knowledge that Palin goes out of her way to punish people who have the audacity to vote for her opponent, and Young has stated on camera that he only represents the people who vote for him. I haven’t heard anything of the sort about Obama so I doubt it’ll happen.

Alaskan taking this question seriously, and distrusting politicians:

I don’t think Obama is vindictive, or that he’ll come after Sarah. That’s her MO, not his. I do fear though, that he’ll escalate the war in Afghanistan, and that he won’t hold the criminals in the White House accountable for the trillion dollar slaughter of over a million people who weren’t a threat to us. It’s the crime of the century but they’ll get off scott free. He’s one of them.

Alaskan making vague inflammatory comments:

According to the press, Al Qaeda knows what Obama is.

Alaskan making vague inflammatory comments II:

koolaide was invented by the liberal media

Alaskan making vague inflammatory comments III:

Osama Bin Ladin has condemned Obama and Biden. Weird.

Alaskan who isn’t worried:

I wouldn’t worry about Obama he’ll let us drill for oil and open are resources he’ll just tax the hell out of it like he said about the coal industry and have a lot of government regulations to render it impossible to do any thing in are state. So I wouldn’t worry about Obama.

Alaskan who isn’t worried II:

no worries the rednecks down south will get’er done before he can get us!!

Idahoan who wants to get his two cents in:

I would like to know how do you bury your guns and money when the ground is frozen?I wish to move to Alaska but I need to know how you dig a hole in frozen ground. Otherwise I will stay in Idaho. Alaska seems more suited to me though.

Alaskan offering advice to the above:

you use a weed burner to thaw the ground first. it’s laborious and time consuming, but it works. dunno, think i’d want quicker access to those guns anyhow.

Alaskan who is somewhat sarcastic:

Yes,Ken. Obama will close Alaska completely I’m sure it’s been his plan from the get-go. ASo,list your home on Craigslist at a reduced or even free price,turn your guns into the authorities .If you have large flat panel T.V. I would be interested in that, turn your pets loose. Good Luck and get some sleep.

Alaskan who is somewhat sarcastic II:

I also hope Obama cuts the military in Alaska. I may get to practice my Russian.

Alaskan who is somewhat sarcastic III:

In addition to going out to buy up all of the ammo, you guys better start buying up bibles. I heard that after President HUSSEIN (B.O.) is sworn into office, he’s going to outlaw the bible and replace it with the Koran in every store in America!!!

Quick, run!!! Cling to those guns and religion!

Alaskan who is somewhat sarcastic IV:

did you no that obama and palin are both robots. Yup heard it on a.m. radio so it must be true…

Alaskan who believes in the office of the president:

I’m a patriot, and while I did not vote for Obama, I believe in supporting the president until he/she(someday) does something to lose my support (lying to a grand jury Clinton), (failing to close US borders Bush). As is stands now, I don’t think Obama will be vindictive towards Alaska, but that of course can change.

Alaskan who is pessimistic about the economy:

Remember All the Great-Things that you put on the Community Discussion board about the Son of a Goat Herder, “Obama”, it will give you something to talk about, while you’re standing in the Soup & Bread Line!

Alaskan who is more fond of the caps lock than the president-elect:

where is the CHANGE your canidate PROMISED??? SMART GUYs!?! i can’t believe you would vote for OBAMAMAMAMESSIAH. where will you MOVE when he has to SELL ALASKA back to the RUSSIANS because we HAVE to PAY for all the HOMELESS!! i HEAR they need JOBS in the YUKON

Alaskan offering advice to either president or fellow commenters:

It is impossible to please everyone. Most people are lucky if they can please their families, and if you have teenagers in the house, that NEVER happens. So, start with yourself and work your way out, see how far you get, and if you make it to the Presidency, make sure you drop by here once in awhile too defend yourself. Becuase regardless of what you have done or will do, we will be judging, with our crystal gavel. Mr. Obama, goodluck. Check your rose colored glasses at the door, you dont need them where your going.

Alaskan whose username is “prophetone”:

Since the fourth of November we have seen in Alaska panic buying of all firearms and ammunition. Further more at Fort Greely there has been close to 100 lay-offs. We don’t need Sarah Palin as a US Senator, send Todd or her sister instead if given the opportunity, but delete Mark b. The news media will continue to hammer and down play the great governor of our state. Obama will continue to divide as every Democrat would. The only good Democrat is a Democrat that doesn’t vote. All over our nation people either have or are choosing sides. The next four years will be tumultuous and cataclysmic. The line has been drawn, now choose who you will serve.

Alaskan environmentalist:

I can only hope that Obama will reduce the military presence in Alaska. As for ANWR, with a democratic president and a democratic congress, I think you can forget about drilling there. yay!

Alaskan responding to the environmentalist:

I think I’m rather correct in assuming that most people who voted for Obama feel the same way as you. Alaska sinks further into Third Worldism. If you think that selling trinkets to tourists is a great thing, then I encourage you to do more. Personally, I do not share this dream. I dream of exceptionalism for my people.

Alaskan who suggests relying on liberal media rather than right wing talk radio, and doesn’t believe in excessive firepower:

No Pat Robertson, SkinHeadUSA, & Sarah Palin are not sources & neither is Rush Limbaugh, he’s an entertainer thus he makes money by stirring you up. Let’s go for something a little more mainstream. Maybe CNN, WSJ, Washington Post or even NPR. If you just look at the data, how families do under Democratic vs Republican administrations. http://www.visualizingeconomics.com/2008…

P.S. He’s not going to come and take your guns, nor is hey gonna dismantle the base in Fairbanks. He will however probably take away your AK-47’s, M-14’s, M-16’s, G-3’s, AR-10, FAMAS’s as well as a number of other assault rifles. How can you possibly justify having an assault rifle? You can’t hunt with it, there’s no shooting events for 700 shot accuracy.

Alaskan in favor of more firepower:

in truth, AK-47s, M-14s, M-16s, AR-10s, and especially the FN FAL make superb hunting weapons. When I was in Africa, I observed that the majority of large animals, including Cape Buffalo and Elephants are taken with these weapons. Especially set to short burst or full-automatic. Of course, the FA version of these firearms are outlawed already in this country for hunting. So, you have no argument there. Just misinformed fantasy.

BTW, the Ruger Mini-14 semi-auto (.223) is the most popular caribou and wolf hunting rifle in Alaska villages, especially amongst reindeer herders.

Alaskan for sensible use of firepower:

So what’s left to eat after you kill a moose with an AK-47? I think if you can’t kill an animal is Alaska with something as simple as a 308 then you shouldn’t be hunting.

Alaskan (who don’t like gu’ment above) on the use of firepower:

The wording in the 2nd Amendment has nothing to do with hunting, it has to do with a militia. …AK-47s, M-14s, M-16s, AR-10s, and… FN FALs are especially what is needed because we the citizens are the first line of defense. …There was a movie made probably 25 years ago called “Red Dawn” about a hypothetical invasion of the United States by Russian, Cuban, and Nicoraguans (sp?) and how a group of highschool kids in Wyoming or Montana or some such place “out west” escaped to the mountains and fought back in a guerilla campaign. I’m guessing that most Liberals find that story highly illogical but I can also tell you that most conservatives don’t – we find it very possible and very frightening (and we therefore want to have weapons close at hand that are suitable for killing invaders should the ‘hypothetical’ ever enter the realm of ‘reality’).

Alaskan who might be named Charlie Brown:

Good Grief. Knock it off you crazies from both sides. I don’t think Obama is the Anti-Christ, nor is he The Savior. He is, however, a democrat. To me that platform just by it’s very nature is not going to be pro-Alaska development. It’s not going to be pro-gun. It will be pro-environmentalist, It will be pro-social programs. It is what it is, that’s not paranoia and it has nothing to do with Palin. It’s fact and frankly I assume it’s what the democrats who voted for him want. Of course he will be my president too, so obviously I will pray for the very best for my country during his term, as I do for all of my political leaders.

Alaskan who is a fundamental Christian:

I also do not believe Obama is “The Anti-Christ” but I believe he has the spirit of the Anti-Christ. If anyone really cares, go back to all the speeches he gave about doing away with all nuk’s and uniting the world as one. Never did he ever say uniting the world threw Jesus Christ. So this is why people say he is Anti-Christ. Now for all the dem’s out their you will say what is wrong with wanting world peace? And I say to you that true peace comes threw Jesus Christ and with out Jesus Christ you will never have world peace.

Alaskan who must be a dirty heathen:

And there you have it folks. This particular Christian will not be satisfied until the entire world has been dominated by his religion… Isn’t this what all of the Christians keep “chicken littling” about the Muslims? “They want global domination” “They are trying to take over the world” blah blah blah

…and now we are down to a handful of people arguing over literal readings of the bible versus viewing the old testament as a mythology, and whether Obama, being in the latter camp, is a decent or depraved person.

Finally, one commentator linked to this:

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.
29 Oct

The East Coast is a dangerous place

Looking through my journal from the second summer of guiding, for information to back up a paper I’m writing, I ran across this particularly anecdotal day.

14 July, 2005

No guests at all today, after breakfast. Cleaned the stove and scrubbed and waxed the kitchen floor. A man and his two sons came to buy fishing licenses from Nelda. She introduced me as a local girl who just finished college back east.

“I went to the East Coast once,” the man said. “I got arrested.”

He told the story:

“I was just a kid and I drove across the country with an older man, our neighbor in California. He was a trucker. We got there and he was beat, so he was sleeping, and I went to go do our laundry; we’d been on the road for a while.

“This little black kid come in, and asked me to buy him a beer. I said, ‘I can’t buy beer, I’m sixteen.’ The kid said, ‘yeah, but you look eighteen.’ So I went over and I bought him a beer and one for me.’

“We’re doing our laundry and drinking our beer. I never drank before, I thought, ‘this is pretty good.’ I went back and I bought some whiskey, and I woke up in jail.”

He shook his head. “I wouldn’t go east of the Continental Divide now, that’s where people change.”

One his sons asked “What state was that in?”

“Buffalo, New York.”

I caught another fish and watched an ugly brown cloud of smoke roll across from Homer. The sun turned orange.

This time I brought home most the whole fish, less the tail intestines and the bloodline. Froze the fillets and boiled the backbone and head, picked the meat off, and threw the bones out, added onions and rice for soup.

Looking in the Cooking Alaskan cookbook, it said the Aleuts would mix salmon liver with berries and seal oil. I tried it with blueberries [without seal oil], but I don’t think I will again. The liver tasted okay (boiled intil white and mashed) and the blueberries tasted fine, but they weren’t a great mix. But you never know unless you try!

26 Sep

A McSweeney’s list from the call center of Princess Cruises and Tours

Among the things I have run across while packing: a McSweeney’s style list from when I worked in the call center for Princess Cruises & Tours.

Comments we would like to make to someone who wants to go to Alaska on a ship which spends the summer in the Mediterranean

“I bet you do.”

“You may find Alaska a little different this year. You know, global warming, they’ve done some landscaping.”

“Don’t be surprised if you find Alaskans don’t speak English.”

“Eskimos look a lot like Italians. Very fond of scooters.”

“Good luck with that.”

09 Aug

Back in my hometown

Being back in my hometown, appropriately called Homer, in Alaska, is odd but overall comforting. Ran into a girl my age that I have known off and on even after I moved away, and went to see her very first art show in one of the galleries. It got me thinking to what path I might have taken if I had stayed living here. Not that I am in any regretful of where I am these days, but I want to be an artist too!

Instead, I’ve been hiking (Ressurrection Pass Trail), fishing for halibut, and yesterday took a breath-taking flight across Cook Inlet from Homer to Katmai National Park, where we hiked around the beach at a river mouth and saw half a dozen brown bears. The fish aren’t quite running strong yet, so the bears were mostly being lazy. Sleeping on the side of the river and looking like a beached log kind of lazy. Every so often they’d roll over and stretch. Of course, there were a few walking around in the grass and such as well, and generally just chilling. Pretty damn amazing. And on the way there we flew by a big ol’ glaciated mountain and saw some steam vents indicative of the volcanic activity happening down below. Did I say yet that it was amazing?